lately, parenting

embracing the inevitable trials of life and parenting

it’s been a long week back after being off for 10 days so come mid-week, all i wanted to do is relax. well, at least a little bit. getting outside and enjoying the sun and the boys was pretty high on my want list too because wednesday night was another trial and lesson for us and gibson. let me set the scene:

gibson was invited with a friend to the park. his friend’s mom and i are super close friends so when she texted me later that gibson had left their house mad and informed me as to what when on between the boys, i called matt and asked him to ask gibson what was going on.

sidebar: gibson, has been caught in a few white lies lately that we know he was guilty of but at some point when he won’t break, we just have to move on and fight another battle. one of them was he poured half of a new bottle of DRAINO down the drain and all the signs were there that he did it but he adamantly denied it. we put his feet to the fire and gave him ultimatums and let him know that God knew the truth and would deal with him in ways that we could not. still he denied it.

back to this story: he told matt that nothing happened so matt had him remain in his room until he could remember what happened and talk about it. the kid was still in his room when i came home at ten after four. so i chatted with him…steel door i tell ya. and those blue eyes man…but i knew. so we put him on trial and made him take the stand.

basically it was his reaction to his friend telling him he couldn’t play with a certain lego that he was trying to cover up.
here is how the desk was stacked against him:

#1: friend had no gain from tattling on him about his behavior, therefore,  no reason to lie about it or make up a story. but gibson had every reason to cover it up.
#2: gibson claimed that my friend knew he left but she actually noticed he was gone and asked her son “where’s gibson?” so friend was just letting his mom know what had transpired.
#3: my friend doesn’t lie and wouldn’t tell me this unless she was concerned.

after a few clarifying texts and phone calls back and forth, we pulled out the big guns. we told gibson that if his friend (and his mother…one of my besties and pretty much the sweetest and most honest person on this planet) were liars, he was going to call them on the phone and end the friendship. i mean, who wants to be friends with liars, right? once i got the okay from mom that friend would take the call and play along…we began to stress how important it is to have good friends that aren’t dishonest. at that point we began to dial the phone but matt gave gibson one more chance to talk about what happened. thanks to my super hubby’s abilities to use words and examples  and scenarios that gibson can understand, within about 2 minutes…

 he broke.

tears flowed and the truth literally flew out of him. this boy not only told the whole truth (and nothing but the truth) about the afternoon’s events, he even confessed to the draino!

this boy of ours has such a good heart. God made him very sensitive and very caring. he just lacks self-control and allows his emotions to rule his behavior. i think we had a breakthrough that night. we all felt closer. we all felt triumphant.
as parents we were able to go the extra step that some won’t dare go instead of just laying down and taking his side.
we are not his buddies, we are his parents and we reminded him of that.
he was triumphant because he now has the awareness that this is a problem and we are giving him the tools to control himself and avoid it altogether.

he got himself grounded until this afternoon so he understands that the lying will get you in more trouble than the crime (most times). he’s helped around the house with alacrity and a smile. he also called friend’s mom to apologize for wasting her time with the whole debacle and to thank her again for taking him along for fun twice this week.

in summary:

charge: falsifying statements and lying to authority figures
verdict: guilty through confession
sentence: 2 days house arrest, additional house duties and apologies to affected parties. privileges earned back for good behavior. placed on probation for undetermined amount of time.

case dismissed. lesson learned.

which brings us back to my desire to just hang with them today. we filled the pools back up after a couple weeks of too-hot-to-even-look-outside temps.

marshall and gibson had finished their popsicles and had gone back to play in the water. so i took advantage of a little relaxing time. looks great, huh?

then after about 5 minutes…it looked more like this.

but isn’t my company so cute?

gibson even graced me with his hands…then i caught him!

marshall tried to play that game too….

but he is too easily distracted by laughter that he couldn’t keep up the act.

he even tried to give gibson and i extreme hammock rides.

then he got tired and got cuddly. which makes my heart melt.

feeling extremely blessed right now. my kids are not perfect and they are crazy but they are mine. God gave them to me and even though sometimes i feel like i’m messing them up, we are mostly a happy little family that’s just trying to get to the next day. eventually leading to two grown men who will want to bring their families back to mom and dad’s house for dinner and spoiling. it makes me teary just thinking about how distant that reality is…so i’m gonna enjoy them and be still in the moments we have.

gotta give thanks to three of my favorite bloggy buddies for inspiring me in my everyday thoughts on parenting and life. it seems like we’ve all had our trials this week. i’m glad to have you ladies.


2 thoughts on “embracing the inevitable trials of life and parenting”

  1. ok sweet friend of mine, I’m crying my eyes out here and so happy to read this post. Not that I’m happy you all had to go thru this but just remind me we all have our days like this. It is the toughest job being a parent, oh man is it ever. I never thought this far ahead when they were babies, everyday was a good day even the crying and no sleep days. Oh how I long for those days when they couldn’t talk back, ate everything I made with no complaints, loved each other and played and hugged all day long, so many memories. Then they grow up and keep changing heck sometimes day to day changes. They leave me spinning and saying UH what just happened here???? Some days I think I’m not a mom made for raising teens nope just give me those sweet babies and preschoolers and my heart melts and they are so easy to be with. My mom says it’s because I was such a great kid and didn’t really do much wrong, we had our battles but nothing that she lost sleep over or worried about that much.

    Ok enough babbling here, Andrea you always inspire me to be a better mom too. I think you are awesome to your sweet boys and are much more fun then I am. You are so strong and you learn from your boys and they learn from you. Your husband sounds the same way too. You have such clear expectations of what you expect from them and you don’t change them just because they had a bad day or because he’s little. No way you stick to your guns and make them accountable and show them they can do better and be better.

    So thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing this story and helping me with mine. Everyday I thank god for them and get up to do it again saying “ITS A BRAND NEW DAY” and erase all of whatever happened the day before. I’m glad to have you too and that we can get thru this together. Sending you big hugs and smiles for you and your family. Enjoy your weekend with cuddles and love and just being together. Love love these sweet pictures by the way and your dress.

  2. it is absolutely refreshing to know we are not alone in our struggles. i would have never thought to have mason call were he in the same situation, but i TOTALLY follow where you were going with him with not having friends that are liars! we are working on that with the next door neighbor girl.. unfortunately the mom is not a friend & that in itself is probably a good indication that the kids are not the best to hang out with. hoping to rectify that when i start picking up my bf’s son from school this year. then mason will have someone to play with who is being raised with the same values & accountability we are going on. i so totally feel like you are a role model for me in this parenting thing. i absolutely don’t claim to have the answers. i was such a good kid, i feel like i don’t have examples to go on! all my dad had to do was look at me & i straightened up! all i had was a smart mouth as a teen & it took only a smack or two for me to get that in check!! it’s tough for sure, but we go on the notion that we are humans, are kids are imperfect & everyone makes mistakes. much like you, we just keep coming at the problem from different angles until we find the one that works. so far, the housework seemed effective.. especially when he cried for 10 minutes because he had to clean out the drain in the sink from food that didn’t get cleared from the plate. you’d have thought we were pulling his fingernails out at the roots. SO much more traumatizing than gsimply grounding him from the things he got in trouble using! thank you, THANK you, for posting! 🙂 ps. i still am not getting follow up comments 😦

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